“It’s just so stupid!” Riley stood from the sofa, grabbing a
tissue from the box on the coffee table and wiping his face.
“He’s been gone for ten years, Sonnie. Ten fucking years and
it still feels like it was yesterday.”
“Oh, honey,” Sonnie walked over to him, turning him around
to look into his eyes. “It’s not stupid...”
“It’s your fault,” Riley interrupted without any heat in his
voice. Sonnie closed his mouth, frowning, as he waited for
Riley to continue. “You make me feel, Sonnie. Do you know
how long it’s been since I felt?” Sonnie shook his head, his
eyes misting over. “Six years. And I know that because it’s
been six years since I opened this shop, and it saved me. I
threw myself into it, into doing something I love, and grew
numb. And it felt good. I hadn’t had a breakdown like that in
six years, and then you come along with your sexy smile and
your confidence and your honesty, and you make me want to
feel again. You make me want to have a life, to dream about
the future, to have friends again, and I don't know how to do
that without him.”
Sonnie's frown softened, but it didn't disappear completely.
Riley waited to see the imminent pity appear in his eyes, but
instead, all he saw was steely resolve.
“I’m not going to apologise for that, Riley, even though I
didn't do it on purpose, but I’m glad it happened. I’m here for
you, OK?” Sonnie reached out and cupped Riley's cheek,
brushing a thumb over his cheekbone. Riley couldn't resist
leaning into the touch, rubbing his cheek against Sonnie's
palm. “As a friend,” Sonnie continued, and Riley couldn't
help but feel disappointed. What did he expect? That Sonnie
would throw himself at him, kiss him and declare eternal
love? He was a mess, a huge fucking mess, and nobody in his
right mind would want to get involved in that. “As someone
you can count on. I’m not going to judge you, but I’m also not
going to let you continue like this.” Sonnie took a step back,
spreading his arms wide. “This life you’re leading is an
existence, Riley. It’s like you’re already dead, just waiting to
make it official.”
He couldn't have said it better himself.
“And you’ve got too much soul to live like that.”
Riley said nothing. What could he say? That he knew his soul
died ten years ago on that cold road, alone, in a pool of
blood? That what he was left with was a mere fraction of a
soul, the bare necessity to go on living?
Riley nodded. He couldn't voice any of that, not when Sonnie
was looking at him with so much hope.